Funny Quotes

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
—Bill Cosby

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
—Mark Twain

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
—Elbert Hubbard

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
—Mark Twain

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
—Mae West

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
—George Carlin

All generalizations are false, including this one.
—Mark Twain

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.
—Mark Twain

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
—Mae West

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
—Yogi Berra

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
—Katharine Hepburn

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
—George Carlin